"Why are You Putting so Many Fucking Swear Words in Your Posts Recently?"

Last week I wrote a couple of posts with quite a few fucks in them.

Then I received a couple of emails.

The first was this:

"Why are you putting so many fucking swear words in your posts recently? You are coming across as really angry and yet I am sure that's not true - is it?"

And the second was this:

"I like your words but there is no need to swear!!!!!"

Oh, and also this on Facebook:

"I love how much you say fuck."

Gosh, how confusing for a girl. Some people love it. Others hate.

I told the writer of the first email that I'd explore the answer to his question in a blog post. Because, actually, I think there are some important points to be made here for ANYONE who's creating and expressing themselves in the world.

So the reason I'm bothering to write this at all isn't to attempt to win some internet argument about the word fuck - really couldn't care less - but instead to speak to all of you out there who are on your own journeys of putting your work out in the world and expressing yourselves and showing up as who you are.

Because if you're doing that, sooner or later, someone's going to disagree with the way you express yourself (fuck or no fuck) and that can be tough to handle. So, to all of of you out there daring to be in the arena, this one's for you.

"Why are you putting so many fucking swear words in you posts recently? You're coming across as really angry and yet I'm sure that's not true - is it?"

1. Show up with whatever's there, day by day

I'm not sure I've actually written the word fuck in a post since the day I received these emails. Apart from here, obviously. This particular post is going to be full of fucks. 

Did you see the post I wrote the day after the one that provoked these responses? It was this one and was about as beautiful and sensitive and fuckless as one could ever hope for.

The point is this:  

I don't wake up in the morning and decide whether today will be a day in which I use fuck in my writing or don't use fuck in my writing. I simply wake up and write what's there.

And, because I'm a human being still working through my own stuff, what's there is the whole range of emotions. From deep sadness; to extreme joy; to, yes, even anger sometimes and everything in between.

The way I create content each and every day is to not worry about it, not over analyse it or try to fit myself into some sort of box. It's the way I encourage others to create content too. 

2. It's your prerogative to screw up with your language (and everything else)

I'm highly aware that there may come a time when I look back on my posts and the use of the word fuck and think "Leah, what on earth were you thinking?" 

But like every single person on this planet, I have to walk my own path and make my own way. If this language is what's showing up now and 2 months, 6 months or a year out I feel highly embarrassed by that, then so be it. That was part of my learning and growth process. 

The only thing you can do is show up as honestly and authentically as you can each day.

Incidentally, showing up honestly and authentically may actually mean showing up in a way that's highly inauthentic whilst you test out and play around with finding your voice. 

My point is really not to worry about it too much. You're going to change over time, just as I am. You can't predict what those changes will be or how you'll evolve. You can only show up as you are today, in this moment.

3. You cannot win on the internet

Do you know Gabby Bernstein? I don't know her work that well, but she seems terribly sweet. She makes videos and writes about lots of spiritual growth stuff. She has a huge impact on a lot of people. 

I saw a video of hers recently in which she was trying to explain to people (from a very loving place) that there's no need to leave nasty comments on videos. Like everyone else expressing their work in the public arena, she'd been the victim of some pretty horrible comments.

And what about Byron Katie? Her work is powerful. Seriously good stuff. She's touched the lives of probably millions. As far as I know she doesn't use the word fuck.

And yet, oh, when I read the comments below some of her work, there's a trail of terribly mean comments totally slamming her. Poor Byron. The only thing she ever did was try and serve the world.

And then there's Jeff Foster, another one I truly love and admire. Very sweet and gentle also. No fucks from what I've seen. 

And yet, there again, I find the same.

The point here is this:

Whether you use the word fuck or not, people are going to hate on your work. People are going to disagree with your personal expression. There's nothing you can do to change that. 

So what do you? Stop writing and speaking all together?

No. Just understand you cannot win on the internet and then get back to work.

4. Don't change who you are according to what people say

Note that I received both positive AND negative responses to my use of the word fuck.

Will I say fuck more because someone told me they thought it was cool? No. Will I say fuck less because someone told me they didn't appreciate it? Not likely.

If you change the way you express yourself based on what people say they're happy/not happy with, then it's going to get pretty messy.

So really in the end it comes down to this...

You cannot ever and will not ever please everyone and people will always interpret what you say through their own filter. So you just gotta keep on doing you, ok?

Love and courage,

Leah