You will screw up your life at some point.
Probably at several points.
You'll have to get through times that make it feel as though your entire world is collapsing around you. That everything's falling apart.
You'll make bad choices.
You'll do things that in hindsight you wish you hadn't.
Things might get really bad.
Perhaps you'll lose it all. Your money. Your home. Your relationships.
You'll experience the crushing feelings of guilt and shame. Those will be the hardest things. The shame will be hard to deal with. Because you'll tell yourself that all these things happened because you're fundamentally a bad person.
BUT, no matter how many bad choices you make. No matter how many things you do that in hindsight you wish you hadn't. No matter how bad things get. No matter what you lose or what collapses or what falls apart in front of your very eyes, there are some truths you MUST remember:
1. You, as a human being, are not bad.
You may make bad choices or do things that in retrospect you see were a bad idea but you, as a human being, are not bad.
2. There are no wrong paths.
No matter how many times you go wrong. No matter how many times it feels like you've totally fucked it up and there's no coming back from it. None of it's wrong. It's all just information and experience that you now do something with. You choose how to react. You choose how to move forward. Hopefully, with a little more wisdom.
3. The magnitude of your screw up is almost certainly bigger in your head than it is in real life.
So when you're fast forwarding in your head to the catastrophic results of your decisions or actions, try, really try to ask yourself - do I know that's what will absolutely happen?
And you'll find that no, you don't know. Because you can't predict the future.
So drop the story and work with what you know NOW, in this moment. Which is always, I'm ok. Right now in this moment I'm ok.
4. Know that you can handle the worst case scenario.
When you don't question your mind and your thoughts, they'll overcome you. If you find yourself in a position of dealing with a potentially massive screw up and the anxiety is building, do this:
Sit down and write down what the absolute worst possible outcomes are for you if the thing you're imagining actually happens.
Now, I don't know if I'm lucky here, but I've really felt this way for a very long time. For me, the worst WORST possible outcome is basically death. The end of my life.
And then I ask myself - am I ok with that? Can I accept that?
And I find that yes I am and yes I can. If that were to happen, I'd still be ok.
The worst case scenario is likely to be something a little less extreme. Like losing a lot of money, losing a home, losing a relationship, ending up on the street or whatever.
But just write those things down and ask yourself, can I accept that worst case scenario? Would I be ok?
And I'm telling you, even though you might think I've totally lost it in saying this, you WILL be ok.
And as soon as you know and realise and breathe into the fact that you'll be ok even in your absolute worst case scenario, the worry and the anxiety and all of that fear will really lose its hold and power of you.
That's an idea and a thought that can really be difficult to allow in. But really, you can always handle the worst case scenario.
And at the end of the day, remember this:
In order to rise from the ashes, you first need to burn.
So if you're burning. If it ever feels like your life is burning to the ground. Just give yourself a little whisper of support - knowing that this burning is the preparation for your rebirth. Your rising up to become more beautiful, more wonderful, more powerful than you were before.
Love and courage,