We were standing in the kitchen of our holiday cottage on the Isle of Mull. My friend turned to me and asked:
"What would make your life even better?"
The tears that rose up were sudden and unexpected as I blubbed out in response, "Nothing. There isn't anything I want. Everything is perfect. Life is perfect. There isn't anything that could make this any better."
I meant it. And my response had absolutely nothing to do with what I had and didn't have in my life. A year earlier, the same question in a similar circumstance might have had me answer with a list of things including a boyfriend, more money, more travel, more success, better fitness.
On paper, I could still say all of those things. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not any more 'known' in the world than I was a year ago. I live off around the same amount of money. And I have no current plans to travel anywhere.
The things that have changed for me in the last year aren't always easy to articulate but I do my best because it feels important. In fact, it feels like it's everything.
I don't want anything not because I have everything I ever wanted in a material, physical sense, but because I've seen, felt and experienced over the last year that "I" really am everything that I've ever wanted.
All external wanting is an innocent, misguided attempt to find what is already right under our noses. We search 'out there' because that's the way it looks to us. It looks to us that if we could do that or be that or have that then our lives would be better. It all looks so, so real. And everything in our culture is set up to reinforce the notion that something outside of ourselves will give us the peace, joy and fulfilment we thirst for.
But at some point, when you've gone after all that stuff and you realise something is still missing, you begin to question what the hell is going on. You wonder whether there's something wrong with you. Whether you're destined to always feel this gaping hole inside of never quite feeling full and whole.
But no, there's nothing wrong with you and no, you're not destined to always feel as though something isn't quite as it should be. The problem is only that most of us are looking in the wrong direction, continuing to buy into the belief that if we just get X, Y or Z we'll finally feel better.
But feeling better - by which I mean feeling completely and utterly whole and that life is utter perfection just as it is - in my honest experience can only come from one thing: recognising our true nature, not as a separate self that walks through life, but an infinite space of awareness that is life itself.
And now here's the good part.
In the absence of a belief that says something 'out there' will make me happy, the fun begins. Now, being out in the world pursuing our dreams isn't a desperate attempt to escape something or find something, but a playground of infinite possibility that we're lucky enough to get to venture into each and every day.
So I go about my business. Writing my blog, creating and running programmes, coaching clients, earning money, seeing what can happen and where I might find myself. Why? Not because I'm looking for something to fill me up but because it speaks to me to do these things and...why not?
There's a huge difference between building a business in order to find happiness, peace and fulfilment and building a business from a place of knowing that happiness, peace and fulfilment is who you fundamentally are. When we create from that place, the whole game changes. And boy oh boy, is the game way more fun that way.
Love and courage,