self-love

Another lost piece of your soul, longing to be loved

So many times
I have thought I wanted
an answer to life’s problems.
A way out of the struggle 
the mess
the heartbreak 
the pain.
But every time
what I really wanted but never knew
was a space
where the strained seams of my life could come undone
completely 
and the stuffing 
old and worn
could tumble out
and somehow
that stuffing
a mangled, yellowing mess
of life’s mistakes and things gone wrong
could be looked upon with loving eyes
and held with such tender acceptance 
that I would know
that there was no problem here
only another lost piece of my soul
longing
to be loved.
Let the seams come undone.
Let the stuffing tumble out.
Soften yourself completely 
and pour Love over that mangled, yellowing mess.
Little by little
those undone seams will rework themselves
and all that you’ve been
will still be held inside
but bound together now
not by disgust
but by
Love.

Love and Courage,

Leah

Your differences are not defects

I was nineteen and in my first year at university.
This was the end of just another night.
The door of my little single room closed behind me and,
locked in the safety of its walls
I slumped, slowly
to the floor
and sobbed.
When there was nothing left 
but a dry crust of salt around my eyes
I slept, exhausted 
from another day confused by life
and my place within it I couldn’t seem to find.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’d gone along, as I always did
to the club where ‘everyone went’.
Awkward, I stood
with a drink in my hand I didn’t want
but too afraid to be without the comfort of something 
anything 
to hold on to.
As if that glass might somehow save me from the night.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Too much noise.
Too many people.
I didn’t dare dance.
But still,
I stood
and smiled
and nodded in false understanding when someone screamed something in my ear.
Ears that would later ring into the empty night.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My tears were ones of confusion, self-loathing 
and anger at life.
I had never been told
I had never learned
that my differences weren’t defects 
but divine gifts
that
when properly understood 
could be used for unimaginable good.
Indeed,
I had never even known my differences as differences 
only this pervasive sadness
and feeling of being
wrong.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A decade more would need to pass before,
finally,
I would begin to understand 
and I would learn
slowly slowly 
to give myself the permission others hadn’t known to offer
that it was ok
and also desirable
to be myself.
To love the quiet
and the solitude
and the hours of reflection and seeking
always wanting to go deeper into this mystery of life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I have only ever longed
to be myself
and to share the world as I see and feel it
extending a hand as I travel to all those who are yet to know 
that their differences are not defects
but divine gifts 
that 
when properly understood 
can be used for unimaginable good.

Love and courage,

Leah

If there is anger, let the anger come (and all other emotions too)

If there is anger inside you, let the anger come. Fighting it is pointless. It's already here. It's already the truth of this moment. Your anger needs space. It needs time and attention. That's why it's come to the surface now. So let it come. Let it expand. Let it have its time. And then, sooner or later, it doesn't matter when, your anger will collapse. It will recede. It will die down.