healing

The healing space of true acceptance

I had the privilege of sitting with a beautiful young man in his twenties and listening to some of his struggles. Side by side, I looked at him and he looked straight ahead, with an occasional, brief, and shy sideways glance to meet my eyes.

He shared about the falling away of a relationship, the loss of a connection with a child he cherished deeply, depression, anxiety, eventually losing his job and the difficulty he experienced entering social situations.

Feeling good is good, but there's wisdom in the darkness

"You can't rush your healing.
Darkness has its teachings."
- Trevor Hall

These words come from a song of the same name (You Can't Rush Your Healing) by Trevor Hall. The first time I heard Trevor’s music, I fell immediately for his voice and lyrics. Medicine for the weary heart, signposts for the seeker, reminders of our oneness and celebrations of LOVE.

Your differences are not defects

I was nineteen and in my first year at university.
This was the end of just another night.
The door of my little single room closed behind me and,
locked in the safety of its walls
I slumped, slowly
to the floor
and sobbed.
When there was nothing left 
but a dry crust of salt around my eyes
I slept, exhausted 
from another day confused by life
and my place within it I couldn’t seem to find.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’d gone along, as I always did
to the club where ‘everyone went’.
Awkward, I stood
with a drink in my hand I didn’t want
but too afraid to be without the comfort of something 
anything 
to hold on to.
As if that glass might somehow save me from the night.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Too much noise.
Too many people.
I didn’t dare dance.
But still,
I stood
and smiled
and nodded in false understanding when someone screamed something in my ear.
Ears that would later ring into the empty night.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My tears were ones of confusion, self-loathing 
and anger at life.
I had never been told
I had never learned
that my differences weren’t defects 
but divine gifts
that
when properly understood 
could be used for unimaginable good.
Indeed,
I had never even known my differences as differences 
only this pervasive sadness
and feeling of being
wrong.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A decade more would need to pass before,
finally,
I would begin to understand 
and I would learn
slowly slowly 
to give myself the permission others hadn’t known to offer
that it was ok
and also desirable
to be myself.
To love the quiet
and the solitude
and the hours of reflection and seeking
always wanting to go deeper into this mystery of life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I have only ever longed
to be myself
and to share the world as I see and feel it
extending a hand as I travel to all those who are yet to know 
that their differences are not defects
but divine gifts 
that 
when properly understood 
can be used for unimaginable good.

Love and courage,

Leah

If there is anger, let the anger come (and all other emotions too)

If there is anger inside you, let the anger come. Fighting it is pointless. It's already here. It's already the truth of this moment. Your anger needs space. It needs time and attention. That's why it's come to the surface now. So let it come. Let it expand. Let it have its time. And then, sooner or later, it doesn't matter when, your anger will collapse. It will recede. It will die down.