Looking back, it seems like my entire life path was one long struggle of trying to find my purpose. As a little girl, I wanted to be an actress, a vet and an archaeologist. At school, the only thing I seemed to enjoy and be relatively good at was French, so off I went to university to study that, not knowing what else I would do.
I’ve trained in teaching English to speakers of other languages, Reiki, acting, had what feels like thousands of different jobs and yet somehow, through it all, even though sometimes it felt like I was getting closer, I lived with a constant and deeply painful feeling that there was something so special and important I was here for but never quite being able to put my finger on what that was. That feeling tore me apart for years.
And then the summer of 2016 came along, when everything dropped away. I was working with a website called Liberation Unleashed to help me see through the illusion of the separate self. I was ready. I wanted nothing more than to know the truth and it only took a little looking to see what was there all along.
I am not speaking of something foreign to you, although the words I use to try and describe the indescribable may not resonate. We have all known, even if only in tiny glimpses, the experience of our true self. It is the way we feel when we are profoundly moved by a sunrise or sunset. It is the way we can disappear into the ocean as we gaze at the waves lapping at the shore. It is that feeling of locking eyes with a stranger and sharing something unspoken that runs deep, deep between us.
The deep emotion and love we feel in these experiences is so much more than we might realise. The experience of beauty at that level is the collapsing of the observer and the observed - it’s an experience of our very essence, our oneness, the all encompassing love that we are.
And so the pain and struggle of trying to find my purpose came to an end. It became so very clear to me that we all share the very same purpose - to simply know and express the love that we are in service of a more beautiful world for everyone.
Yes, that love is expressed in radically different ways for each and every one of us - some of us are gifted writers, others are gifted musicians, dancers, painters, speakers, bodyworkers, scientists, entrepreneurs, parents, singers, teachers, chefs, cleaners, doctors, gardeners - but the purpose is the same behind all of it, to use our gifts as a vehicle for expressing the truth of who we all are, inviting more and more of our brothers and sisters to recognise their light.
I cannot tell you what a weight off my shoulders this was. To end the search for my particular purpose and to know beyond all doubt that my purpose today and every day is to know and express the love that I am in whatever way it occurs to me moment by moment.
In this way, the days are a never ending opportunity to be on purpose. There is no part of your life that sits outside it. And yes, it is deeply special and important, but no more or less than for anyone else. That was another huge relief to me, that I wasn’t so special after all. At least, not in the way I’d always felt. I am special and I am all together not special. It is that way for all of us.
For any of you who have struggled or are struggling with the search for your purpose and the painful feelings that can come along with that, I hope this can in some way bring some comfort.
Love and courage,