If Fear Had Its Way

If fear had its way I wouldn't write today.

For the first time in four years of writing online, I'm afraid to put pen to paper and fingers to keyboard. Afraid to share myself. Afraid to say what's actually there. Afraid of letting the world in.

I'm afraid of the judgement and I'm afraid of the criticism. Because that single piece of full on actual hate mail I received last week went straight to that very vulnerable part of myself. The part that takes on everything that everyone says to her and makes it all her fault. The part that believes there must be something wrong with her, that she'll never be good enough and that actually, she's just through and through a bad person. Otherwise, why would anyone write something so insanely mean to another human being. 

Of course I know, somewhere, that's not the truth. But it hits a tender part of me. A wound I'm yet to heal. 

So if fear had its way, I wouldn't write today.

I'd let today's post slide. I'd hide away and go on about my day. I'd cower in the shadows and ruminate over the words I wrote and question whether yes, I am in actual fact just a poor excuse for a human being.

But fear will NOT have its way. Not today. Not any day. Because if I let fear win today it'll be easier for it to win again tomorrow. And I don't have time for that. I don't have time to let fear win. I've got work to do and a message to share. And if fear wins then hate wins. If fear wins then I stop shining my light in the world for the people my light is meant for.

And the thing I have to say? The message I want you to hear?

What YOU have to say matters. What YOU have to share matters. Your voice, in your way, matters. It matters to your people. The people you were always meant to connect with. The people you were meant to touch.

You weren't meant to reach everyone. You were meant to reach those you were meant to reach. Whatever your work, whatever your business, you have a voice that was created to touch people.

That voice might be in your written or spoken words. It might be in your art. It might be in your movement. It might be in your touch. Whatever way it is for you, it's there to be used. Used to reach the people you were meant to reach with YOUR light.

Don't let fear win. Not today. Not any day.

Don't let fear stop you writing. Don't let it stop you speaking. Don't let it stop you painting or creating. Don't let it stop you speaking with your clients. Don't let it stop you going to your work and doing what you're here to do. When fear wins, we all lose. The world loses. The planet loses. And in case you hadn't noticed, the planet could do with some more wins.

Although at times it doesn't seem possible that what you do can possibly matter, it does. Every single person you touch, encourage, support or lift up matters more than you could ever see or comprehend. 

It doesn't matter how small it seems. It doesn't matter how insignificant a drop you think it is in the vast ocean of life. Your actions matter. Your words. Your art. Your dance. Your healing touch. Your smile. Your everything.

Fear won't have its way. Not today. Not any day.

Love and courage,

Leah