How to Never Be Successful and Hate Yourself Forever

I did the wrong thing this morning. 

I woke up at 4am and went on Facebook. Bad Leah. 

I'm jet lagged, tired, sick and emotionally tender after my return from California. And although I thought I was ok, I miss Keijiro. It was NOT a good time to be on Facebook.

Once there, in my jet-lagged, tired, sick and emotionally tender state, I began to notice all the things I notice when I'm not in a secure emotional place.

I noticed all the people whose lives and businesses look like they're really doing well - judged, obviously, by the number of likes, comments and shares. Because we all know they're a highly accurate indicator of true success and happiness, right? 

I feel jealousy rearing its ugly head inside my body, twisting at my guts. I at once both experience the jealousy and observe myself experiencing the jealousy. And my observation isn't kind or curious. It's not the sort of helpful observation that says, "oh, Leah, you're experiencing jealousy, how interesting! What is there here for you to explore?"

No, my observation of my jealousy is condemning and hurtful. 

"You're a fucking awful human being, Leah. Why can't you just love everyone and be happy for everyone and stop being jealous of other people's success? Why aren't you more spiritually awake by now? Why can't you get rid of this once and for all? 

Worse still, I then go on to hate on myself for not being more loving towards myself in this moment.

This? This is me at my worst. 

Over the last several years of building my business, I've been drawn repeatedly into the same trap of thinking:

If I were more spiritually awake, I'd be more successful.

If I were more intelligent, I'd be more successful.

If I had longer hair, travelled to Bali, got myself some Soul Sisters and danced at all night parties under the light of the moon, I would be more successful.

If I were more sociable and better at making friends and connecting with mentors, I'd be more successful.

If I had a better, more impressive life story to share, I'd be more successful. 

Essentially, this:

If I were more like SOMEONE ELSE and less like ME, I'd finally be the success I know I can be and wish I was.

WRONG. In so many ways, just wrong.

You know it. I know it. 

This thinking is a trap. Following it - trying to be a little more like someone else - will always lead you, eventually, back to the same truth - being more like someone else will never get you anywhere you want to be.

Because the reason those people are successful isn't because they look a certain way, write a certain way, teach a certain thing, have the right niche, have a particular type of branding, have a certain personality, are more enlightened, live in a certain country or city, or anything else whatsoever.

The reason those people are successful is because they're not trying to be anyone but themselves.

Success (and I'm really talking about all types of success here) can only and does only come from being true to who you are. From doing things your way. From embracing your personality and your quirks and your way of being. 

Of course you're working to evolve and change and grow and work on your shit, just like I am. But always, in the process of that evolution and growth, being where you are and who you are right now is perfect. No need to be anywhere or anyone else.

So next time you find yourself, like me this morning, falling once more into that trap of thinking that says if you were just more like X, Y or Z, THEN you'd be more successful, remember thatyour true success (whatever that looks like and means to you) will come from one thing and one thing only:

Being YOU. As you are, today, in this moment.

And when you can show up as that person all day, every day, no matter what it looks like, then as far as I'm concerned, you've totally nailed success. 

Love and courage,

Leah